Yearn: Glimpses of Moments of Longing - A Poem
And I want to...
... think about You when I’m busy and dream about You when I’m bored and have You always on my mind and sneak out of meetings and meet You in the hallway and tell You You’re more important and complain that I have to go back in and not want to leave and hesitate longer than I should and later remember that moment and smile to myself and come up with more ideas to let You know You’re special and give You all of me and be sad when I don't and remember that You do and want to be like You and get angry when I fail and see You smile because I’m clumsy and keep trying even more and become depressed about myself and hear You say You never are and rest my head on Your shoulder and feel like everything is alright and know it’s because of You and go through our photos together and talk about our memories and laugh with You and cry with You and feel my heart burst with affection and love You with open arms and sob when it hurts and know You are worth it and do crazy things and not tell anyone and have little secrets with You and wake up at night and tell you that I love You and not go back to sleep because You don’t let me and stay up all night because You don't stop talking and be sleepy the next day and don't mind and smile when I remember why and smile even more because no one else knows and take walks when I feel lonely and realize that I am not and enjoy Your company and give You mine and want to spend more time with You and spend an entire day with You at the coffee shop and not want to leave and be sad when they close so we have to and enjoy walking back home with You and talk with You till late at night and take walks with You before sunrise and have lazy days with You and stay on the couch all day and feel that You love me and love You back and tell You how much You mean to me and hear You say You love me more and laugh because You won again and secretly wish it was the other way around and be happy it isn't and have You on my mind when I wake up and dream of You at night and wish I'd known You forever and remember our first days and want to do it all over again and realize how much more I love You now and dream about loving You more when I'm old and wait for You in the evening and listen to the same song till You come and cry when You're gone and hate the pain but love the longing and feel like I know You and find that I don't and be disappointed in me and amazed by You and read Your letters again and find new things between the lines and realize how smart You are and how much You love me and fall in love with You all over again and cling to You when You're back and promise I'll never let You go and smile when You say You’d never let that happen and talk about my day and ask You about Yours and ask You questions and be amazed by Your answers and get impatient when You don’t respond and angry when You change the topic and complain when You don't give me what I want and thank You when You give me better and promise I'll trust You next time and be happy that I don’t have to pretend and that You love me as I am and be honest with You and tell You how I feel and say mean things and beautiful things and be happy when I make You smile and sad when I don't and feel sorry when I hurt You and cry at my messes and feel like I don't deserve You and try to convince You You deserve better and be happy when You tell me You forgive me and be stunned by how kind You are and wipe away the tears when You say that You chose me and decide to give You good reasons and be all You deserve and hear You say well done and take my guitar and sit on the field at night and sing You songs and tell You how much this moment means to me and decide to do it again tomorrow and be sad when it ends up raining and write You poems and paint You pictures and listen to Your stories and dance for You when no one's looking and feel awkward and think it's cheesy but hear You say You don't and know that’s all that matters and live for only You and be there for You at all times and go where You go and feel what You feel and talk like You talk and smell like You smell and be completely inseparable from You and be Yours forever and be Yours unrestrainedly. And I just want You to know that there is absolutely nothing and no one in the universe who could ever take Your place in my heart.
Ephesians 5:32
this! so. so. beautiful! good job!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Kimberly! Glad it touched you! :)
DeleteSo THIS is what it's like to fell in love with the Creator of Faith!
ReplyDelete... left speechless
ReplyDeleteI just read this and it inspired me so much to know better that every little movement of my heart towards Jesus counts, even those little "I love You" whispers while laying on my bed looking upwards and smiling. I even realized through this that I can move things around to make history with Him and know that He is the First and the Last in my life! This is very beautiful, honest, deep, personal and inspiring! Thanks for sharing, Benny!
ReplyDeleteVery good , makes me remember how enjoyible it is been with Jesus and wonder , can any earthly relationship compare , or is it our relationship with Jesus that's shows us how to be the best spouse for our mate , this is all a misstory to me , i understand how to walk with Jesus but the hard bit is letting someone else in when God is guiding you to ... But the encouraging thing is he will help us to be the best person for our other helper 😊 , and how exciting to think we will one day have a best friend who loves Jesus like we do to walk with 😁😁😁😁😁😁😁😁 .
ReplyDeleteI think it's both. Our relationship with our heavenly Bridegroom shows us what our romantic relationship on earth shall look like (Eph 5:22,25) and at the same time our romantic relationship is a door into a deeper understanding of His love for us (Eph 5:31-32).
DeleteAnd if you walk with the Lord well, you'll trust His leadership enough to let that someone in that He sends your way. :)
Once again weeping as I read this. So beautiful! <3
ReplyDeleteI don't know what to say to this it is difficult to read. It's a beautiful picture of love which is what everyone is saying, but what it really shows me is how broken I must be. It just seems like too much love like way way too much. It kind of feels like all the good stuff just brings up hurts because we are all still living in this world. It makes me feel like I'm not as close to God as I want to be. I know it's not suppose to do that. I read this blog because it's my way of being hopeful not just about human love, but receiving God's love too. It's stuff like this that makes me wish God's presences was more real in my life because as beautiful as this should be it just makes everything hurt.
ReplyDelete"...and give You all of me and be sad when I don't ... and want to be like You and get angry when I fail ... and keep trying even more and become depressed about myself and hear You say You never are"
DeleteThat's exactly what I wrote about. What you're feeling is part of the journey. All of us who are on it know it well. You only feel pain over not having something if it really matters to you. The hurting is evidence of the depth of your relationship with Him, not of the absence of it.
Beautiful
ReplyDelete